Conviction

Since last evening, I have been convicted. I moved too soon, and God has made it clear I have not been released. He said this is not the time to get to know a man right now. Now, I focus on God and His plan for me. I have said this so many times to you and to myself. But, for some reason I thought my actions of exchanging information with others was harmless. I convinced myself as long as I am honest in telling the men friendship is the only option right now, then everything is okay, right? Wrong.

It's as simple as this. You tell a 15 year old teen not to have sex because the Word tells us to wait until marriage. You preach of God's wrath and share the wages of sin is death and not eternal life. Before you walk away, you give the same child a pack of condoms... "just in case." Later, you come to understand the same teen has been having sex and justifies her acts because she used the condoms you gave her for protection. You become furious at the teen. Yet, you ignore your responsibility in tempting the teen and providing a way out of the sin.

In essence, I cannot say one thing and do another in action. It's not realistic to start a "friendly" bond with a man with whom there is a shared attraction and expect it to remain in that box. In order for me to be effective in this season, I HAVE to be totally and completely committed to God. I have to be honest with myself. In this case, there is no room for these conditional relationships...

We can be friends on the phone, but I can't hang out with you....
OR
Well, we can hang out sometimes, but we are not going to date each other....
OR
Okay, you can kiss me but there will be absolutely nothing beyond that...

Was I really kidding myself when I met these guys last week? No, I truly intended on simply being friends with them and having nothing beyond conversations by phone. But, why would I take someone through that? Why would I expect them to understand where God is taking me when I cannot explain it from beginning to end?

Today, I was convicted. Never test your greatest temptations by your own strength.

This may sound crazy, but I am truly thankful for conviction. This conviction puts me back in check when I get out of line. And that is exactly what I have been feeling during the past 24 hours. God has chastised me with the words Ace shared with me today. The very sermon her Pastor preached this morning were God's instructions specific instructions to me. I take heed. I asked for forgiveness for allowing potential distractions into my space. I have come too far, and I do mean too far to make foolish mistakes.

Will this walk with God be perfect? No. Will I completely understand why He steers me in certain directions? No. Will I make some mistakes in the future? Yes. I am human. However, I will not use humanity as an excuse to take detours. I have learned this lesson. I will not repeat this lesson. I will move forward.

Peace.