Today, I stumbled across of a pic of my girl, Lauryn Hill on Essence.com. It was a throwback where Ms. Hill sports the raw, shoulder-length, luscious locs. Back when she openly poured her for-real love with every brown girl with a heart. It reminded me of the time where The Miseducation of was at the peak of the "real music" list.
My on and off again relationship with the Psychiatrist I dated while at AAMU was strengthened because of this CD. Okay, let me stop playing. The relationship was not strong at all...hence the back and forth games we played. The point is, he was the only straight guy who felt me on the lyrics penned. We would literally play each track, analyze the meaning behind it, and let the CD play over and over. Man, those were the good ole days.
Just while I strolled down memory lane, "The Sweetest Thing" played on XM radio.
{oooooooo, that's my song.}
Had to share the love with you....
The sweetest thing I've ever known
Was like the kiss on the collarbone
Soft caress of happiness
The way you walk, your style of dress
I wish I didn't get so weak
Ooo, baby, just to hear you speak
Makes me argue just to see
How much you're in love with me
See, like a queen, a queen upon her throne
Chorus:
It was the sweet, sweet,sweetest thing I know,
It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I know
I get mad when you walk away (don't walk away)
So I tell you leave, when I mean stay
Warm as the sun dipped in black
Fingertips on the small of my back
More valuable than all I own
Like your precious, precious,precious, precious dark skin tone
Chorus
Bridge:
It was the...
Ah...I tried to explain (I can't explain it...I can't explain it)
Ah...but baby, it's in vain
Speaking on my mother's phone
The touch that makes me think I'm grown, (you ain't grown)
Sweet prince of the ghetto
Your kisses taste like amaretto
Intoxicating, oh, so intoxicating
How sad, how sad that all things come to an end
But then again, I'm, I'm not alone
Chorus
Ah...Sometimes watch you in your sleep
Ah... Excuse me if I get to deep (Hey!)
Here's to Ms. Hill and the hope she will return to bless is with a dose of good soul music. I salute you.
Ciao.
P.S. Speaking of the good-good music , what ever happened to Maxwell's new 3-fold CD. Wasn't it supposed to drop early this year??? Saw him at the Fox a few months ago...got me feening for the vocals...
Friday, February 27, 2009
Attention Ladies
This is a must read from a blog I follow, A Belle in Brooklyn. She is also from the A and we do share a few similarities from what I've read.
Today, Belle shared a conversation had with the opposite sex (she was interested in) that shed light on dealing with insecurities...because we all have them to a certain extent. We tend to put why things didn't work on the guy. Could it be our subconscious insecurities push them away?
Check it out. Learn from this. Grown from it. I know it put me in check...
http://abelleinbrooklyn.blogspot.com/2009/02/growing-pains-i-got-issues.html
Enjoy, girls.
Peace.
Today, Belle shared a conversation had with the opposite sex (she was interested in) that shed light on dealing with insecurities...because we all have them to a certain extent. We tend to put why things didn't work on the guy. Could it be our subconscious insecurities push them away?
Check it out. Learn from this. Grown from it. I know it put me in check...
http://abelleinbrooklyn.blogspot.com/2009/02/growing-pains-i-got-issues.html
Enjoy, girls.
Peace.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Full Time Wife
So I am talking to one of married girlfriends, Ursula, this weekend. Still considered a newlywed, she is so transparent and honest as she talks to me about the committed union with her hubby.
My circle would always say if I got married then the world must be coming to a end... very soon. That was the joke for years because I was known as one of the serial daters. The men would come, the men would go. I was meeting and greeting to have a few laughs for a few months with a guy. As 90 days closed in, I would find something I couldn't live with or would get bored with, and move on. I was always honest with the guys...but I was not one to commit easily. Since those days, I fell in love...hard. I retired the player card and became committed to nurturing and growing the relationship with X. Once our love affair ended because of timing (no fault of his or mine), I realized marriage is definitely an option for me. I began to search my mind, heart, soul and spirit for voids that needed to be mended or filled. I am 97% happy with myself...some flaws and all. Soon, I will be ready to welcome my future hubby.
Ursula has become my source on the real outlook of marriage. You know how the soaps and the movies and the fluffy books seem to only display the sweetness of the union? They have young girls and women in "I can't wait" mode to meet the prince, get married, have endless love making sessions, wake up happy, go to bed happy, and live this way eternally. But, no one ever tells the real side of it. The side that takes the same amount of work sleep-deprived Diddy puts into his successful business affairs.
I sat down with my girl Sunday over some breakfast. I asked her questions about communication, religion, intimacy, spending time and understanding your hubby. Ursula basically said being a wife is a full time job. Whether you stay at home or you work outside the house, there is still the responsibility of holding true to the 24/7 vows. As a wife, she is constantly covering her husband spiritually, praying for his leadership, seeking the counseling of God to bless their union, caring for her temple to birth children soon, there for her husband when he needs her in any way, and learning more about him while adapting to changes. That doesn't include ever-growing patience, picking battles to fight, compromising, and learning how to be the bigger person in certain situations. Oh, and let's not forget the in-laws. No matter how kind they are, you still have to deal with them in some kind of way that may not always be pleasant or hoped for. Did I mention this ambitious sister she has 2 part-time jobs as well? (by choice...not by force)
See what I am saying? It so much more than falling in love and only having eyes for each other. The rough patches is what makes marriage a little iffy at times for me. These are the things that married folks tend to sweep under the rug and avoid sharing with us single girls. Ursula and I are strong women with strong opinions. Yet, we both believe in being submissive to the hubby as God says so. Therefore, it was has been difficult for her to bite her tongue during heated conversations when the Lord silences her. She also said God has been revealing weaknesses to her that she never acknowledged previously. All the time she has been praying for hubby's maturation, she is discovering her flaws.
I listened to my girl and she spoke to me with love. After sharing the raw truths that may deter some from wanting to jump the broom, she said with compassion, "After it all, I cannot see myself living without him. I love him so much. He is my best friend." Then and there, I understood with everything in me that marriage is not a cotton candy roller coaster ride. Nor is it a shackled experience that leaves one filled with regrets. Marriage should be a full time, life long learning curve filled with strength, the Love of God, growth, purpose, protection, foundational beliefs, love and the undying commitment to deflect demonic forces from entering the union.
Yes, it is a full time job to be a wife. Yes, it will take much effort on my end to make our love work for us. Yes, there will be days of silence and stillness. Yes, there will be times where romance is at the bottom of the to-do-list.
Even as I recognize these things, I am in training to perform at my fullest potential for this position.
Love you Ursula...
My circle would always say if I got married then the world must be coming to a end... very soon. That was the joke for years because I was known as one of the serial daters. The men would come, the men would go. I was meeting and greeting to have a few laughs for a few months with a guy. As 90 days closed in, I would find something I couldn't live with or would get bored with, and move on. I was always honest with the guys...but I was not one to commit easily. Since those days, I fell in love...hard. I retired the player card and became committed to nurturing and growing the relationship with X. Once our love affair ended because of timing (no fault of his or mine), I realized marriage is definitely an option for me. I began to search my mind, heart, soul and spirit for voids that needed to be mended or filled. I am 97% happy with myself...some flaws and all. Soon, I will be ready to welcome my future hubby.
Ursula has become my source on the real outlook of marriage. You know how the soaps and the movies and the fluffy books seem to only display the sweetness of the union? They have young girls and women in "I can't wait" mode to meet the prince, get married, have endless love making sessions, wake up happy, go to bed happy, and live this way eternally. But, no one ever tells the real side of it. The side that takes the same amount of work sleep-deprived Diddy puts into his successful business affairs.
I sat down with my girl Sunday over some breakfast. I asked her questions about communication, religion, intimacy, spending time and understanding your hubby. Ursula basically said being a wife is a full time job. Whether you stay at home or you work outside the house, there is still the responsibility of holding true to the 24/7 vows. As a wife, she is constantly covering her husband spiritually, praying for his leadership, seeking the counseling of God to bless their union, caring for her temple to birth children soon, there for her husband when he needs her in any way, and learning more about him while adapting to changes. That doesn't include ever-growing patience, picking battles to fight, compromising, and learning how to be the bigger person in certain situations. Oh, and let's not forget the in-laws. No matter how kind they are, you still have to deal with them in some kind of way that may not always be pleasant or hoped for. Did I mention this ambitious sister she has 2 part-time jobs as well? (by choice...not by force)
See what I am saying? It so much more than falling in love and only having eyes for each other. The rough patches is what makes marriage a little iffy at times for me. These are the things that married folks tend to sweep under the rug and avoid sharing with us single girls. Ursula and I are strong women with strong opinions. Yet, we both believe in being submissive to the hubby as God says so. Therefore, it was has been difficult for her to bite her tongue during heated conversations when the Lord silences her. She also said God has been revealing weaknesses to her that she never acknowledged previously. All the time she has been praying for hubby's maturation, she is discovering her flaws.
I listened to my girl and she spoke to me with love. After sharing the raw truths that may deter some from wanting to jump the broom, she said with compassion, "After it all, I cannot see myself living without him. I love him so much. He is my best friend." Then and there, I understood with everything in me that marriage is not a cotton candy roller coaster ride. Nor is it a shackled experience that leaves one filled with regrets. Marriage should be a full time, life long learning curve filled with strength, the Love of God, growth, purpose, protection, foundational beliefs, love and the undying commitment to deflect demonic forces from entering the union.
Yes, it is a full time job to be a wife. Yes, it will take much effort on my end to make our love work for us. Yes, there will be days of silence and stillness. Yes, there will be times where romance is at the bottom of the to-do-list.
Even as I recognize these things, I am in training to perform at my fullest potential for this position.
Love you Ursula...
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Conviction
Since last evening, I have been convicted. I moved too soon, and God has made it clear I have not been released. He said this is not the time to get to know a man right now. Now, I focus on God and His plan for me. I have said this so many times to you and to myself. But, for some reason I thought my actions of exchanging information with others was harmless. I convinced myself as long as I am honest in telling the men friendship is the only option right now, then everything is okay, right? Wrong.
It's as simple as this. You tell a 15 year old teen not to have sex because the Word tells us to wait until marriage. You preach of God's wrath and share the wages of sin is death and not eternal life. Before you walk away, you give the same child a pack of condoms... "just in case." Later, you come to understand the same teen has been having sex and justifies her acts because she used the condoms you gave her for protection. You become furious at the teen. Yet, you ignore your responsibility in tempting the teen and providing a way out of the sin.
In essence, I cannot say one thing and do another in action. It's not realistic to start a "friendly" bond with a man with whom there is a shared attraction and expect it to remain in that box. In order for me to be effective in this season, I HAVE to be totally and completely committed to God. I have to be honest with myself. In this case, there is no room for these conditional relationships...
We can be friends on the phone, but I can't hang out with you....
OR
Well, we can hang out sometimes, but we are not going to date each other....
OR
Okay, you can kiss me but there will be absolutely nothing beyond that...
Was I really kidding myself when I met these guys last week? No, I truly intended on simply being friends with them and having nothing beyond conversations by phone. But, why would I take someone through that? Why would I expect them to understand where God is taking me when I cannot explain it from beginning to end?
Today, I was convicted. Never test your greatest temptations by your own strength.
This may sound crazy, but I am truly thankful for conviction. This conviction puts me back in check when I get out of line. And that is exactly what I have been feeling during the past 24 hours. God has chastised me with the words Ace shared with me today. The very sermon her Pastor preached this morning were God's instructions specific instructions to me. I take heed. I asked for forgiveness for allowing potential distractions into my space. I have come too far, and I do mean too far to make foolish mistakes.
Will this walk with God be perfect? No. Will I completely understand why He steers me in certain directions? No. Will I make some mistakes in the future? Yes. I am human. However, I will not use humanity as an excuse to take detours. I have learned this lesson. I will not repeat this lesson. I will move forward.
Peace.
It's as simple as this. You tell a 15 year old teen not to have sex because the Word tells us to wait until marriage. You preach of God's wrath and share the wages of sin is death and not eternal life. Before you walk away, you give the same child a pack of condoms... "just in case." Later, you come to understand the same teen has been having sex and justifies her acts because she used the condoms you gave her for protection. You become furious at the teen. Yet, you ignore your responsibility in tempting the teen and providing a way out of the sin.
In essence, I cannot say one thing and do another in action. It's not realistic to start a "friendly" bond with a man with whom there is a shared attraction and expect it to remain in that box. In order for me to be effective in this season, I HAVE to be totally and completely committed to God. I have to be honest with myself. In this case, there is no room for these conditional relationships...
We can be friends on the phone, but I can't hang out with you....
OR
Well, we can hang out sometimes, but we are not going to date each other....
OR
Okay, you can kiss me but there will be absolutely nothing beyond that...
Was I really kidding myself when I met these guys last week? No, I truly intended on simply being friends with them and having nothing beyond conversations by phone. But, why would I take someone through that? Why would I expect them to understand where God is taking me when I cannot explain it from beginning to end?
Today, I was convicted. Never test your greatest temptations by your own strength.
This may sound crazy, but I am truly thankful for conviction. This conviction puts me back in check when I get out of line. And that is exactly what I have been feeling during the past 24 hours. God has chastised me with the words Ace shared with me today. The very sermon her Pastor preached this morning were God's instructions specific instructions to me. I take heed. I asked for forgiveness for allowing potential distractions into my space. I have come too far, and I do mean too far to make foolish mistakes.
Will this walk with God be perfect? No. Will I completely understand why He steers me in certain directions? No. Will I make some mistakes in the future? Yes. I am human. However, I will not use humanity as an excuse to take detours. I have learned this lesson. I will not repeat this lesson. I will move forward.
Peace.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Dance Fever Update
One thing I didn't reveal is Dance Fever and I exchanged info. I'm saying...he is a handsome guy and full of personality. I didn't feel as if the meet and greet should end at The Loft.
Well, he called. I promised to return his call and got too wrapped up into other things. I didn't keep my word, which I am so anal about when it comes to others. And it wasn't something I actually meant to do. Thankfully, he called again. He opened the conversation with a cute joke. He made me laugh. A brother gets brownie points for that.
The convo was rather enjoyable. The chemistry was there. Convo was smooth and easy. No awkward silences. He seems to be an informed brother, has some wisdom, talks with good sense, wonderful personality, believes in chivalry from what I can see so far, seems to be a loving and devoted father, and acknowledges Jesus.
It's still early, yes. But, I have a pretty good feeling about forming a "friendship" with him. It will be a task on my part to remain true to God's plan. But, I can do it. I am determined. And I did share a bit of the plan with him. It's important to be honest about that early on so both parties can set realistic expectations. He was initially shocked, as most brothers would be. Understandable. But, he said he is patient. And he did display that in his own way while on the phone.
We will see how long "Job" can hang in here until my Release....
Well, he called. I promised to return his call and got too wrapped up into other things. I didn't keep my word, which I am so anal about when it comes to others. And it wasn't something I actually meant to do. Thankfully, he called again. He opened the conversation with a cute joke. He made me laugh. A brother gets brownie points for that.
The convo was rather enjoyable. The chemistry was there. Convo was smooth and easy. No awkward silences. He seems to be an informed brother, has some wisdom, talks with good sense, wonderful personality, believes in chivalry from what I can see so far, seems to be a loving and devoted father, and acknowledges Jesus.
It's still early, yes. But, I have a pretty good feeling about forming a "friendship" with him. It will be a task on my part to remain true to God's plan. But, I can do it. I am determined. And I did share a bit of the plan with him. It's important to be honest about that early on so both parties can set realistic expectations. He was initially shocked, as most brothers would be. Understandable. But, he said he is patient. And he did display that in his own way while on the phone.
We will see how long "Job" can hang in here until my Release....
Thursday, February 19, 2009
V-Day Madness: Momma's Boy
After a night of jamming on the One with Dance Fever and chatting it up with Hershey til 2 in the morning, I was happy to make it to my bed early Saturday morning and catch some much needed zeez. My circle clearly understands beauty rest is an essential part of my life. After all, clinical research shows regular 8 hour sleepers (along with a balanced diet, exercise, plenty of water consumption, and daily prayer/meditation) tend to live longer, healthier lives. I plan to get my Tina Turner and Eartha Kitt on at til I'm 95...at least.
Any who, I woke around 10 a.m. and reflected on the previous night. It was a good night. Good times all around. I was re-thinking the idea of hitting the town again in later that evening. I really need to check out Nordstrom's sale to purchase a "Michelle O" dress to wear at a formal tea the following day. Maybe Ace and I can hang out at the mall a bit, grab something to eat and call it a night around 9 or 10 p.m. I talk to Ace, and she agrees. We are both still in recoup mode.
In the midst of all this, Hershey calls just to say hello. I quickly find out he is not a talker and has very limited phone conversation. I have been with this kind before. It's going to be rather difficult to get to know him as an friend. Hmm...we shall see. Ace is all about him, though. She couldn't care less about Dance Fever. She is the head coach of Team Hershey...and he doesn't even know it. Funny.
I pick her up around 7 and we head to Perimeter Mall. I must mention briefly the fabulous sale available at Dillard's. I didn't even make it to Nordstrom as planned. Dillard's captivated me with rows of elegantly designed Ellen Tracy, Calvin Klein, and Tahari knit dresses that framed my shape quite nicely. How often do you find a lovely designer dress marked down under $35? I have vowed not to participate in the recession mind set. But, I appreciate the retail's desperate cry for consumers by slashing prices to darn near free. There is always a silver lining.
Feeling jubilant after making wise additions to the wardrobe, Ace and I head downtown to STATS to nibble on some nachos. We deliberately dressed down this evening to jeans, sweaters and comfy cute flats in the event we became enticed to repeat Friday night. We make it to STATS to enjoy the NBA Slam Dunk contest on the flat screens adorning the walls of this wanna be "upscale" sports bar. I cordially speak to an old flame I briefly dated 3 years ago as the host walks us to our table. 10 minutes after getting comfy, the host seats 3 in a booth across from us. Ace and I assume from body language and physical features 2 brothers decide to take their mom out on Valentine's Day. How sweet is that? Mom is completely smitten as she sits across from her boys in the booth. She is dressed in her fitted jeans and her white hair is perfectly combed in place. This is too cute.
Ace and I get down on the best nachos in the city of Atlanta, and begin to laugh about scenarios from the previous night. In the midst of laughter, Momma's Boy says to us, "Why are you all laughing at me? You know that's not nice." Caught off guard, my initial reaction was to look at his mom and apologize to her specifically with a nervous smile on my face. She just laughed at her crazy son as she is used to his antics. Okay, I get it. He's flirting....in his own way. Cute.
Momma leans towards us to ask about the nachos as she decided on her good eats. They were virgins to STATS, so Ace and I schooled them on the menu. When their food arrived, I noticed mom didn't have cutlery. Treating her like an aunt, I took the extra from our table and offered it to her. I guess the waiter assumed momma did not it with her fish tacos. Who knows.
After paying the bill, we said our good-byes to momma and her sons. Momma's Boy was missing. I am sure momma will give him our love when he returns to the booth. Just as I hit the bottom step to the main floor near the exit, I look up to see him standing before me. My, it is amazing what good lighting does for you. He is actually attractive. Maybe 6'1." But, sir, did you buy that shirt in 1995? I'm trying not to be superficial. But I remember that one from my high school days.
"Leaving so soon?"
"Yeah, we're headed out."
"I would really like to call you sometimes. You know I have plans for us."
I smile, knowing full well this is nothing but game. Old school game at that. Dated. Like the shirt.
"Plans? That's cute. How old are you, sir?"
"E is the name. I'm 41. Is that too young for you?"
Are you kidding me? That is the perfect age for me. But, he doesn't need to know that. Because the shirt...I can't get past the shirt. And, as I look closer he is about 1 week over-due for a hair cut. Line too long at the barbershop this morning? I'm confused.
"It might be too mature for me. I'm only 20 something."
"How about I give you a call and we talk more. I can tell you about the plans I made for us when I first saw you."
Okay, he is hilarious at this point.
"How many kids, E?" I can look at him and tell he is a father.
"3. Two 18 year olds and a 17 year old."
No dice. No thanks. Nice meeting you. Go back to your momma.
Smiling, I reply "Well, E I am not dating right now. But, it was good meeting you. I hope you and the fam have a great Valentine's evening. I know you have made your mom very happy tonight."
Momma's Boy formed his mouth to reply, but I didn't give him the chance. I smiled at him as I turned to walk away towards Ace and Lucky Charm.
After thought: I bet he lives with his momma...
Any who, I woke around 10 a.m. and reflected on the previous night. It was a good night. Good times all around. I was re-thinking the idea of hitting the town again in later that evening. I really need to check out Nordstrom's sale to purchase a "Michelle O" dress to wear at a formal tea the following day. Maybe Ace and I can hang out at the mall a bit, grab something to eat and call it a night around 9 or 10 p.m. I talk to Ace, and she agrees. We are both still in recoup mode.
In the midst of all this, Hershey calls just to say hello. I quickly find out he is not a talker and has very limited phone conversation. I have been with this kind before. It's going to be rather difficult to get to know him as an friend. Hmm...we shall see. Ace is all about him, though. She couldn't care less about Dance Fever. She is the head coach of Team Hershey...and he doesn't even know it. Funny.
I pick her up around 7 and we head to Perimeter Mall. I must mention briefly the fabulous sale available at Dillard's. I didn't even make it to Nordstrom as planned. Dillard's captivated me with rows of elegantly designed Ellen Tracy, Calvin Klein, and Tahari knit dresses that framed my shape quite nicely. How often do you find a lovely designer dress marked down under $35? I have vowed not to participate in the recession mind set. But, I appreciate the retail's desperate cry for consumers by slashing prices to darn near free. There is always a silver lining.
Feeling jubilant after making wise additions to the wardrobe, Ace and I head downtown to STATS to nibble on some nachos. We deliberately dressed down this evening to jeans, sweaters and comfy cute flats in the event we became enticed to repeat Friday night. We make it to STATS to enjoy the NBA Slam Dunk contest on the flat screens adorning the walls of this wanna be "upscale" sports bar. I cordially speak to an old flame I briefly dated 3 years ago as the host walks us to our table. 10 minutes after getting comfy, the host seats 3 in a booth across from us. Ace and I assume from body language and physical features 2 brothers decide to take their mom out on Valentine's Day. How sweet is that? Mom is completely smitten as she sits across from her boys in the booth. She is dressed in her fitted jeans and her white hair is perfectly combed in place. This is too cute.
Ace and I get down on the best nachos in the city of Atlanta, and begin to laugh about scenarios from the previous night. In the midst of laughter, Momma's Boy says to us, "Why are you all laughing at me? You know that's not nice." Caught off guard, my initial reaction was to look at his mom and apologize to her specifically with a nervous smile on my face. She just laughed at her crazy son as she is used to his antics. Okay, I get it. He's flirting....in his own way. Cute.
Momma leans towards us to ask about the nachos as she decided on her good eats. They were virgins to STATS, so Ace and I schooled them on the menu. When their food arrived, I noticed mom didn't have cutlery. Treating her like an aunt, I took the extra from our table and offered it to her. I guess the waiter assumed momma did not it with her fish tacos. Who knows.
After paying the bill, we said our good-byes to momma and her sons. Momma's Boy was missing. I am sure momma will give him our love when he returns to the booth. Just as I hit the bottom step to the main floor near the exit, I look up to see him standing before me. My, it is amazing what good lighting does for you. He is actually attractive. Maybe 6'1." But, sir, did you buy that shirt in 1995? I'm trying not to be superficial. But I remember that one from my high school days.
"Leaving so soon?"
"Yeah, we're headed out."
"I would really like to call you sometimes. You know I have plans for us."
I smile, knowing full well this is nothing but game. Old school game at that. Dated. Like the shirt.
"Plans? That's cute. How old are you, sir?"
"E is the name. I'm 41. Is that too young for you?"
Are you kidding me? That is the perfect age for me. But, he doesn't need to know that. Because the shirt...I can't get past the shirt. And, as I look closer he is about 1 week over-due for a hair cut. Line too long at the barbershop this morning? I'm confused.
"It might be too mature for me. I'm only 20 something."
"How about I give you a call and we talk more. I can tell you about the plans I made for us when I first saw you."
Okay, he is hilarious at this point.
"How many kids, E?" I can look at him and tell he is a father.
"3. Two 18 year olds and a 17 year old."
No dice. No thanks. Nice meeting you. Go back to your momma.
Smiling, I reply "Well, E I am not dating right now. But, it was good meeting you. I hope you and the fam have a great Valentine's evening. I know you have made your mom very happy tonight."
Momma's Boy formed his mouth to reply, but I didn't give him the chance. I smiled at him as I turned to walk away towards Ace and Lucky Charm.
After thought: I bet he lives with his momma...
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
V-Day Madness: Hershey
Hershey and I laugh as we share a few casual jokes with one another. Suddenly, I hear "One More Chance" coming from the speakers. I turn to him with pure excitement saying we should hit the dance floor. He tells me he doesn't dance. Well, honey it's your loss. I make eye contact with Ace a few paces away, and we head to the floor. This is our jam, honey. And we just saw "Notorious" a few months ago...so we are still in Biggie mode.
Hershey leans on the railing that separates the dance floor and the walkway making direct eye contact with me. You know how girls are...we can dance with each other and have the best time without a man in sight. Still, it would have been nice if he dropped the hard leg pride and did a little 2 step with a sister. It's fine, though. I close my eyes, and imagine myself in the "One More Chance" video slowly walking by Zhane and Faith and Mary J and Patra as we all swayed to the beat. Now, that seemed like a seriously cool house party.
The song ends, I open my eyes, and Hershey still has his eyes fixed on me as he side eye chats with his boys. Who knows what they are discussing. No matter how fly and mysterious and cute this guy is, no deal, sir. Sorry...it is what it is.
T, Ace and I dominated the dance floor the next few songs as we discussed our next move for the night. T decided she would head back home to her Valentine. He's been around long enough for me to call him my brother. D is a good dude. I think he is a keeper. We give her hugs goodbye and tell her to text when she gets home. Yes, she is a grown woman. But, we look after each other. It's just what we do.
Hershey suggests Ace and I meet his friends over at 255 two blocks over. Yep, sure. We are down. 255 doesn't have a dance floor, but there is a pretty good deejay there on Friday night. Perfect. I have danced enough for the night. So, we drive over after the guys and run into some old friends from college once we hit the door. We separate from Hershey and his crew for aw while chatting it up with fellow AAMU Bulldogs. About 15 minutes later, Hershey finds me and invites Ace and I over to his table. This is where it gets interesting.
I have a seat at the table and start talking to Hershey about life, family, religion, work, and the economy. He asked me a question no man has ever asked me before. Well, no man besides my X. He asked what was my credit score. Wow, I am usually the one asking that question. I skim the topic of credit and last names as I just met this guy. I am not sure if he is genuinely interested or if he is into identify theft. So, I tread lightly. The least I can do is learn from past experiences and not allow history to repeat itself.
Well, interesting topics continue. Hersey asks me if I was dating anyone. Without divulging too much info I simply said I am choosing not to date right now. He just kind of looks at me while nodding his head. Then he says he is looking for a wife.
Whoa, Hershey.
But, wait. Who, am I kidding. This is the A. I have heard this before. No need to get nervous and think of ways to avoid taking this conversation further. But, he doesn't stop there. Nope. Hershey is not playing with me. He then talks about going on vacations. I mean, this brother set the scene for me. Strawberries, pineapples, kiwi fruit on the table of a beautiful hotel with sheer white curtains overlooking the sandy beaches. Nice set up. I could surely go for that right about now. I take his fantasy and make it my own. I begin to daydream about my freshly pedicured toes, glowing waxed legs, locs flowing with the wind from open windows, soothing music created from the breeze, delicious fruit with bottled water nearby. Yes, I saw that all. But, I see with it me, myself and I. Hershey, you are not there sweetie. I mean, you could be there one day if my research on you checks out and God releases me to date again in 6 months. But, for now...this mental escape has me quickly figuring a budget to stick with for the next few months to make that happen sooner than later for myself.
Anyway, I come back to reality and Hershey starts wrapping his arms around me. He pulls me in close to him. He doesn't say a word. But, he is letting me know he is interested with the tight hold he has on me. Minutes later, he thanks me for allowing him to meet me. He goes onto to tell me what he has that he could offer. The money, the cars, the house. He isn't really bragging. He wasn't arrogant about it. It just is what it is.
If he is what he says he is and has a few flaws that I could live with, Hershey could be a wonderful catch. He would allow me to be the star of the relationship. He would take care of the house, the cars, the finances, and make sure I'm happy. He seems to be the man that would feel good about telling his boys what he did for his woman. He has a great legitimate career now, but he admitted having a past out there in the streets some years ago. He even told me he served some years sporting the white jumpsuit. And the brother is a Christian. Loves himself some baby Jesus and grown man Jesus (only Meet the Browns fans would get that). But, no serious connection. I just don't feel that "it" factor. There was a time I would force it because he looks good on paper.
It's official. Buttafly is growing up.
Okay, God. I hear you. When God says no dating, He means no dating. Hershey would normally be the "perfect" guy for me. Reformed thug turn Christian with legit job and only 1 teenage kid. Still, no dice. It's not time for all this right now. Wow...I have grown in 4 months...imagine that.
Since then, Hershey has called a few times, and I have called a few times. It's almost like God told Hershey the plan He has me on. His conversations are more on a friendly level instead of all the sugary sweet stuff he was pouring on me this weekend. Initially, I told Ace that Hershey is probably married or crazy. Maybe that would make me feel better. No, be real B. You know what it is.
How about it's not the right timing for Hershey. I am on God's plan.
Or how about Hershey and I are not made for each other. I am on God's plan.
Or even better, Hershey may become a platonic friend. I am on God's plan.
Or the best, Hershey and I will become friends until God releases me from my dating fast.
Either way, I am still on God's plan.
For the first time in my life, I don't have to tirelessly explain to a man why I must follow God's plan for my life. He just gets it without any explanation from me. And that is as sweet as Hershey milk chocolates...sweet enough for me.
Hershey leans on the railing that separates the dance floor and the walkway making direct eye contact with me. You know how girls are...we can dance with each other and have the best time without a man in sight. Still, it would have been nice if he dropped the hard leg pride and did a little 2 step with a sister. It's fine, though. I close my eyes, and imagine myself in the "One More Chance" video slowly walking by Zhane and Faith and Mary J and Patra as we all swayed to the beat. Now, that seemed like a seriously cool house party.
The song ends, I open my eyes, and Hershey still has his eyes fixed on me as he side eye chats with his boys. Who knows what they are discussing. No matter how fly and mysterious and cute this guy is, no deal, sir. Sorry...it is what it is.
T, Ace and I dominated the dance floor the next few songs as we discussed our next move for the night. T decided she would head back home to her Valentine. He's been around long enough for me to call him my brother. D is a good dude. I think he is a keeper. We give her hugs goodbye and tell her to text when she gets home. Yes, she is a grown woman. But, we look after each other. It's just what we do.
Hershey suggests Ace and I meet his friends over at 255 two blocks over. Yep, sure. We are down. 255 doesn't have a dance floor, but there is a pretty good deejay there on Friday night. Perfect. I have danced enough for the night. So, we drive over after the guys and run into some old friends from college once we hit the door. We separate from Hershey and his crew for aw while chatting it up with fellow AAMU Bulldogs. About 15 minutes later, Hershey finds me and invites Ace and I over to his table. This is where it gets interesting.
I have a seat at the table and start talking to Hershey about life, family, religion, work, and the economy. He asked me a question no man has ever asked me before. Well, no man besides my X. He asked what was my credit score. Wow, I am usually the one asking that question. I skim the topic of credit and last names as I just met this guy. I am not sure if he is genuinely interested or if he is into identify theft. So, I tread lightly. The least I can do is learn from past experiences and not allow history to repeat itself.
Well, interesting topics continue. Hersey asks me if I was dating anyone. Without divulging too much info I simply said I am choosing not to date right now. He just kind of looks at me while nodding his head. Then he says he is looking for a wife.
Whoa, Hershey.
But, wait. Who, am I kidding. This is the A. I have heard this before. No need to get nervous and think of ways to avoid taking this conversation further. But, he doesn't stop there. Nope. Hershey is not playing with me. He then talks about going on vacations. I mean, this brother set the scene for me. Strawberries, pineapples, kiwi fruit on the table of a beautiful hotel with sheer white curtains overlooking the sandy beaches. Nice set up. I could surely go for that right about now. I take his fantasy and make it my own. I begin to daydream about my freshly pedicured toes, glowing waxed legs, locs flowing with the wind from open windows, soothing music created from the breeze, delicious fruit with bottled water nearby. Yes, I saw that all. But, I see with it me, myself and I. Hershey, you are not there sweetie. I mean, you could be there one day if my research on you checks out and God releases me to date again in 6 months. But, for now...this mental escape has me quickly figuring a budget to stick with for the next few months to make that happen sooner than later for myself.
Anyway, I come back to reality and Hershey starts wrapping his arms around me. He pulls me in close to him. He doesn't say a word. But, he is letting me know he is interested with the tight hold he has on me. Minutes later, he thanks me for allowing him to meet me. He goes onto to tell me what he has that he could offer. The money, the cars, the house. He isn't really bragging. He wasn't arrogant about it. It just is what it is.
If he is what he says he is and has a few flaws that I could live with, Hershey could be a wonderful catch. He would allow me to be the star of the relationship. He would take care of the house, the cars, the finances, and make sure I'm happy. He seems to be the man that would feel good about telling his boys what he did for his woman. He has a great legitimate career now, but he admitted having a past out there in the streets some years ago. He even told me he served some years sporting the white jumpsuit. And the brother is a Christian. Loves himself some baby Jesus and grown man Jesus (only Meet the Browns fans would get that). But, no serious connection. I just don't feel that "it" factor. There was a time I would force it because he looks good on paper.
It's official. Buttafly is growing up.
Okay, God. I hear you. When God says no dating, He means no dating. Hershey would normally be the "perfect" guy for me. Reformed thug turn Christian with legit job and only 1 teenage kid. Still, no dice. It's not time for all this right now. Wow...I have grown in 4 months...imagine that.
Since then, Hershey has called a few times, and I have called a few times. It's almost like God told Hershey the plan He has me on. His conversations are more on a friendly level instead of all the sugary sweet stuff he was pouring on me this weekend. Initially, I told Ace that Hershey is probably married or crazy. Maybe that would make me feel better. No, be real B. You know what it is.
How about it's not the right timing for Hershey. I am on God's plan.
Or how about Hershey and I are not made for each other. I am on God's plan.
Or even better, Hershey may become a platonic friend. I am on God's plan.
Or the best, Hershey and I will become friends until God releases me from my dating fast.
Either way, I am still on God's plan.
For the first time in my life, I don't have to tirelessly explain to a man why I must follow God's plan for my life. He just gets it without any explanation from me. And that is as sweet as Hershey milk chocolates...sweet enough for me.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
V-Day Madness: Dance Fever
I would have been just fine watching countless movies, sipping some wine, and dance in the middle of my living room to some feel good music on V-Day. But, Ace insisted we leave the comforts of our home, hit the pavement, and paint the town red. We have seriously changed roles, here. I used to be the all knowing social butterfly. I kept my ear to streets and was aware of the what's what and the who's who in the city. This time, Ace is the one. She sent me scores of email invites and RSVP lists throughout the week to prepare for the weekend. She had 2 or 3 back ups for plans A,B and C.
Okay, so I agreed. Why not? Why not get cute and hit up the spots where single folks get down on V-Day. The purpose of this weekend did not include hating on love. We forbade reflecting on past relationships. It was considered unlawful to male bash. We were determined to celebrate the beauty of being single the entire weekend.
Ace, T and I decide to check out The Loft as the 1st spot of the night. We were met walking from the valet lot by the sweet sounds of uptempo R&B jams. The music of Guy, Frankie Beverly (you know that's my AARP boo) and Chaka...I think. Heck, I can't recall it all because my feet made circles on the floor practically all night.
Mind you, that was not part of the plan. Because I haven't visited this social spot in a few years, I planned on smiling, meeting, greeting, laughing, bobbing my head and hitting a 2 step every 20 minutes or so. After all, I wore my cutesy silk blouse that outlined the waist, trouser jeans, and 5-inch stilettos that were crafted beautifully for the purposes of walking short distances and standing still for admiration.
Yeah, well all that was shot when they played Frankie. A handsome fellow dressed as if he came straight from work pulled me towards the floor. There are no rules against dancing tonight. I hit my cute 2 step with ease as I am acutely aware that silk will stick to the skin if sweat glands work over time. I stopped dancing to sweat a long time ago. So, I'm good. I have this under control. The next song comes on, and I keep dancing. Dance Fever clearly has not been out in a while either because he is giving it his all. 5 songs later, I am fanning with a card stock party flyer trying to cool down. I should take a break right? If the deejay would play something that is not my jam I could take that walk to the powder room.
I look over and I spot Ace is on the floor getting her groove on with Lucky Charm and T is partnered with Green Giant. I am suddenly having flashbacks of my collegiate days in Alabama. Dance Fever asks me if I am good as he he begins to playfully brag on his dancing stamina. Apparently, he plans on grooving until the lights come on. As much as I would love to, I can't do that my brother. My feet have 2 more songs to jam too.
At that very moment, I thanked God for my locs. This is the first time in a very, very long time that I was not concerned about the condition of my hair. No matter how much I may perspire, or how many times my Dance Fever dips or spins me around, my hair remained fab. Yes...another reason I am happy to be nappy.
I digress. The 2 song limit has arrived, and my feet are begging me to chill out. Just as I mention my time out, Dance Fever gently blows on my neck in an effort to make me stay. Oh, how cute is that. Ha! Flirtation is certainly the name of his game. And he has it down-packed too. Seems like a cool brother and is very easy on the eyes. But, my brother, I am sorry to say the neck blowing is not going to get you anywhere with me. I am just having a bit of fun tonight.
I bid him a brief farewell as I am sure we will bump into one another again in this intimate setting. I head to the ladies room to get my self back together. Ace follows and we give each other updates on our dance partners. We chuckle on their dance moves and flirting techniques as we re-apply lip gloss, toss the hair, and fan ourselves with folded paper towels. After a final look in the mirror, I playfully blow a kiss at my reflection, wish myself a Happy Valentine's and head back out to the party.
Posted up on the wall near the door, the girls and I take some time to check out the scenery. I don't see Dance Fever. He is probably blowing on someone else's neck by now. Boy, do your thing. We are all having a good time tonight. Just as I was making a comment to Ace about our next move, Hershey walks by. I saw him earlier and immediately took note of his swag (yes, I know the term is in overkill...but I love Tip...so I carry the torch), his good looks and that Mocha skin. Not moved by the physical, I continue talking to Ace. Hershey walks by again, but this time he heads my way.
"Excuse me?"
I turn to look at him, replying "Yes?"
He flashes the mother of pearls saying, "Oh, I thought you were someone else I knew."
"No...I don't think we've met before."
"But, I am glad we're meeting now."
Uh oh...Hershey is a cutie pie. Focus, girl....
Okay, so I agreed. Why not? Why not get cute and hit up the spots where single folks get down on V-Day. The purpose of this weekend did not include hating on love. We forbade reflecting on past relationships. It was considered unlawful to male bash. We were determined to celebrate the beauty of being single the entire weekend.
Ace, T and I decide to check out The Loft as the 1st spot of the night. We were met walking from the valet lot by the sweet sounds of uptempo R&B jams. The music of Guy, Frankie Beverly (you know that's my AARP boo) and Chaka...I think. Heck, I can't recall it all because my feet made circles on the floor practically all night.
Mind you, that was not part of the plan. Because I haven't visited this social spot in a few years, I planned on smiling, meeting, greeting, laughing, bobbing my head and hitting a 2 step every 20 minutes or so. After all, I wore my cutesy silk blouse that outlined the waist, trouser jeans, and 5-inch stilettos that were crafted beautifully for the purposes of walking short distances and standing still for admiration.
Yeah, well all that was shot when they played Frankie. A handsome fellow dressed as if he came straight from work pulled me towards the floor. There are no rules against dancing tonight. I hit my cute 2 step with ease as I am acutely aware that silk will stick to the skin if sweat glands work over time. I stopped dancing to sweat a long time ago. So, I'm good. I have this under control. The next song comes on, and I keep dancing. Dance Fever clearly has not been out in a while either because he is giving it his all. 5 songs later, I am fanning with a card stock party flyer trying to cool down. I should take a break right? If the deejay would play something that is not my jam I could take that walk to the powder room.
I look over and I spot Ace is on the floor getting her groove on with Lucky Charm and T is partnered with Green Giant. I am suddenly having flashbacks of my collegiate days in Alabama. Dance Fever asks me if I am good as he he begins to playfully brag on his dancing stamina. Apparently, he plans on grooving until the lights come on. As much as I would love to, I can't do that my brother. My feet have 2 more songs to jam too.
At that very moment, I thanked God for my locs. This is the first time in a very, very long time that I was not concerned about the condition of my hair. No matter how much I may perspire, or how many times my Dance Fever dips or spins me around, my hair remained fab. Yes...another reason I am happy to be nappy.
I digress. The 2 song limit has arrived, and my feet are begging me to chill out. Just as I mention my time out, Dance Fever gently blows on my neck in an effort to make me stay. Oh, how cute is that. Ha! Flirtation is certainly the name of his game. And he has it down-packed too. Seems like a cool brother and is very easy on the eyes. But, my brother, I am sorry to say the neck blowing is not going to get you anywhere with me. I am just having a bit of fun tonight.
I bid him a brief farewell as I am sure we will bump into one another again in this intimate setting. I head to the ladies room to get my self back together. Ace follows and we give each other updates on our dance partners. We chuckle on their dance moves and flirting techniques as we re-apply lip gloss, toss the hair, and fan ourselves with folded paper towels. After a final look in the mirror, I playfully blow a kiss at my reflection, wish myself a Happy Valentine's and head back out to the party.
Posted up on the wall near the door, the girls and I take some time to check out the scenery. I don't see Dance Fever. He is probably blowing on someone else's neck by now. Boy, do your thing. We are all having a good time tonight. Just as I was making a comment to Ace about our next move, Hershey walks by. I saw him earlier and immediately took note of his swag (yes, I know the term is in overkill...but I love Tip...so I carry the torch), his good looks and that Mocha skin. Not moved by the physical, I continue talking to Ace. Hershey walks by again, but this time he heads my way.
"Excuse me?"
I turn to look at him, replying "Yes?"
He flashes the mother of pearls saying, "Oh, I thought you were someone else I knew."
"No...I don't think we've met before."
"But, I am glad we're meeting now."
Uh oh...Hershey is a cutie pie. Focus, girl....
Monday, February 16, 2009
Prelude to V-Day Madness
Hey girls and guys. I had a heck of a weekend..Ace,T and I got together and lit up the town. We didn't mean to party like it was 1999...but honey we did. It's amazing how many fish jump out of the water as if they are begging to be caught when we walked in. You know my situation. All I wanted to do was get out with the girls and enjoy our time as single women. I retired my fisher's net for a few months anyway to take time for me, remember??? Yeah, I simply had to remind myself that over and over again.
Picture this. Warm Friday night. Approximately 9 p.m. 3 single girls walk into a Happy Hour in downtown Atlanta. Upon clicking my clutch back together to safely store my ID at the door, I lift my head. And to my surprise, I see nothing but a sea of supposedly single, handsome, well dressed black men stationed at the bar, on the dance floor, peering from the upstairs balcony, and posted on the walls. For the most part, they were all hunters...none anticipated a woman's approach. And for once, the ratio of men to women was actually 50/50 at the spot. Again, my net is stashed away for a minute.
Focus, Buttafly, Focus. Don't give out your number. Don't give your last name. No one even needs to know what side of town you live on. Okay, I'm focused.
But, um...is there anything wrong with a dance or 2? or 3?
Stay tuned...
Picture this. Warm Friday night. Approximately 9 p.m. 3 single girls walk into a Happy Hour in downtown Atlanta. Upon clicking my clutch back together to safely store my ID at the door, I lift my head. And to my surprise, I see nothing but a sea of supposedly single, handsome, well dressed black men stationed at the bar, on the dance floor, peering from the upstairs balcony, and posted on the walls. For the most part, they were all hunters...none anticipated a woman's approach. And for once, the ratio of men to women was actually 50/50 at the spot. Again, my net is stashed away for a minute.
Focus, Buttafly, Focus. Don't give out your number. Don't give your last name. No one even needs to know what side of town you live on. Okay, I'm focused.
But, um...is there anything wrong with a dance or 2? or 3?
Stay tuned...
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Hold My Mule..
I'm mad as hell. Yes, I said it. Upset and totally perturbed. I've tried to hold my peace until enough factual information surfaced. But, I can't keep it to myself. So hold my mule while I vent.
Today, I had what started off as a brief conversation with a male friend. But, 2 incomplete thoughts turned the back and forth into a heated exchange that ended with me questioning our friendship. E sent a fake pic of Rihanna to me with facial bruises. Because I have been following this story closely, I had been warned previously of this free roaming, rumored picture. I commented to E how disturbed I was that Chris Breezy allegedly beat Rihanna like she was his ex step-father. The same step-father he claimed whipped up on his mother repeatedly. I went on to say if these allegations turn out to be true (which I strongly feel they are) and Chris goes unpunished, it would send a bad signal to our entire society...especially the youth. E replied with "he is young...he is still learning." ARE YOU SERIOUS??????
So, now I am pissed. A nerve is pricked that hasn't been touched in several years. E casually excuses Ri's alleged contusions, blackened eyes and short term unconscious state because Chris is 19? We are not talking about a 5 year old here. Even then, he would be considered unstable and extremely dangerous to himself and others. Yes, Chris needs help...serious,psychological help. I totally agree with that. But, there is no excuse for giving anyone a beating like that. There is no excuse for an open hand slap. There is no excuse for a push down on the ground. No excuse for a kick. No excuse for yelling, " I'm going to kill you." E quickly went from my friend to a black man who doesn't care about the welfare of black women.
I thought back to the Hip Hop vs. America series shown on BET late last year. There was an older free-spirited, beautiful, conscious sister with wild curly hair who spoke on the panel. She brought up the abandonment black women sometimes feel regarding our black men. At that moment I felt like Rihanna is feeling hurt, shame and deceit while E is a black man turning his back on her.
I recall asking E if he ever hit a woman before. Heat from my emotions caused sweat to wet my forehead. He was actually offended and said that I should know him better than that. HA! Apparently, I don't know you because you just abandoned Ri. You abandoned me. Your mother. Your sister. You abandoned all black women.
What hurt evens worse is an awful truth I discovered. If Rihanna were a white entertainer, say Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood, who received that same beat down from a white male entertainer, all hell would have broken loose. The men of white America would demand the alleged abuser to be removed from all advertisements and radio playlists. They would make arrangements to shut down his official website, cancel future concerts, and remove all endorsements that would give him material wealth. White male America would stand up for this young girl as they would their own sisters and daughters.
But, what do black men do? Some may not agree with what Chris has allegedly done, but they remain silent. Some ask what did Rihanna do to provoke Chris. You know how black women pop off at the mouth, right? Wrong black man. Some brush it off because it's not their problem. Some support Chris simply because he is male. Thankfully, there are some who are mad as hell, too.
Who rescues Black women when we are threatened and we don't feel protected?
http://www.ndvh.org/
http://dahmw.org/
http://feminist.org/911/crisis.html
Today, I had what started off as a brief conversation with a male friend. But, 2 incomplete thoughts turned the back and forth into a heated exchange that ended with me questioning our friendship. E sent a fake pic of Rihanna to me with facial bruises. Because I have been following this story closely, I had been warned previously of this free roaming, rumored picture. I commented to E how disturbed I was that Chris Breezy allegedly beat Rihanna like she was his ex step-father. The same step-father he claimed whipped up on his mother repeatedly. I went on to say if these allegations turn out to be true (which I strongly feel they are) and Chris goes unpunished, it would send a bad signal to our entire society...especially the youth. E replied with "he is young...he is still learning." ARE YOU SERIOUS??????
So, now I am pissed. A nerve is pricked that hasn't been touched in several years. E casually excuses Ri's alleged contusions, blackened eyes and short term unconscious state because Chris is 19? We are not talking about a 5 year old here. Even then, he would be considered unstable and extremely dangerous to himself and others. Yes, Chris needs help...serious,psychological help. I totally agree with that. But, there is no excuse for giving anyone a beating like that. There is no excuse for an open hand slap. There is no excuse for a push down on the ground. No excuse for a kick. No excuse for yelling, " I'm going to kill you." E quickly went from my friend to a black man who doesn't care about the welfare of black women.
I thought back to the Hip Hop vs. America series shown on BET late last year. There was an older free-spirited, beautiful, conscious sister with wild curly hair who spoke on the panel. She brought up the abandonment black women sometimes feel regarding our black men. At that moment I felt like Rihanna is feeling hurt, shame and deceit while E is a black man turning his back on her.
I recall asking E if he ever hit a woman before. Heat from my emotions caused sweat to wet my forehead. He was actually offended and said that I should know him better than that. HA! Apparently, I don't know you because you just abandoned Ri. You abandoned me. Your mother. Your sister. You abandoned all black women.
What hurt evens worse is an awful truth I discovered. If Rihanna were a white entertainer, say Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood, who received that same beat down from a white male entertainer, all hell would have broken loose. The men of white America would demand the alleged abuser to be removed from all advertisements and radio playlists. They would make arrangements to shut down his official website, cancel future concerts, and remove all endorsements that would give him material wealth. White male America would stand up for this young girl as they would their own sisters and daughters.
But, what do black men do? Some may not agree with what Chris has allegedly done, but they remain silent. Some ask what did Rihanna do to provoke Chris. You know how black women pop off at the mouth, right? Wrong black man. Some brush it off because it's not their problem. Some support Chris simply because he is male. Thankfully, there are some who are mad as hell, too.
Who rescues Black women when we are threatened and we don't feel protected?
http://www.ndvh.org/
http://dahmw.org/
http://feminist.org/911/crisis.html
Monday, February 9, 2009
Caught up in the Rapture of Love...
"Caught up in the rapture of love
Nothing else can compare
When I feel the magic of you
The feeling's always new
Caught up in the rapture of you"
--Anita Baker
When I sang this feel good melody by the classy Ms. Baker as a child, I was unaware of what I truly was humming. I just knew the arrangement of music made me happy. Becoming a young lady, I would catch this same tune in the rare moments of time on an old school R&B station. With hands raised to the sky, fingers snapping, eyes closed saying, "that was my jam." I would reminisce on the past loves and former boos. Tonight as I watch one legend, Ms. Baker, pay tribute to another legend, Mary J., on BET Honors, I still snap my fingers and close my eyes. But, this time I think about the love of my life...me.
I was raised to have confidence and to be alright with me...in this package God formulated in His image. I did that, and I would celebrate me between the flurries of the dating game. I was so busy getting fly for the social aspect of life that I rarely sat down to love on myself consistently. But, during this new season of me, I am caught up with me. Consistently. Just me.
Don't mistake this for arrogance. It's far from that. I appreciate my flava, my style, my physical image. But, right now I celebrate my spirit and my character building and my faith. Being single has become a pro instead of the con society paints it to be. Of course the Word always tells us what we need to know. But, sometimes we ignore it. I know I have conveniently. God said being single is a gift because because you only have to focus on improving your relationship with Him. The unique burden of juggling the cultivation of God's love and man's love is not present. I accept this gift whole-heartedly.
I am closer to 30 than I am to 20. Still a young woman, but no longer able to use the excuse of not knowing any better. Nah, I know better. Excuses have been given a death certificate. And I am better because experience continuously teaches me that. I spend time loving on God and worshipping who He is. In this space, He shows me who He wants me to be. He brings me closer and closer to the chapters of my world that allows me to act in one of my destinies. And it feels so dog gone good.
This rapture of love enlightens me on the whys. Why God created me to be fearless and adventurous. Why I am so analytical and compassionate for the broken. Why I love so hard and deep with fullness. Why I cringe at disorderly acts and chaos. My God, this rapture tastes so sweet. Sure, my spiritual taste buds are aware of the bitterness that comes in spurts. It's a part of growth and a part of being in this flesh. But, there is no way I could grasp the height and depth of such sweetness if I never experience the salt of the Earth, right? Correct. My job is to discern, decipher and do unto others no matter the amount of hate poured in my direction. No one or nothing will blow my high. It feels too good.
Do I want the love of a man? Of course I welcome love with open arms. I am quite confident that my love, my hunter, my husband, my Adam, my partner created for me will make his way to my cocoon. But, I don't wait twiddling my thumbs, reading desperate self-help books and searching the clubs and blogs to find him. Oh no. Again, I believe in order. When it's time, we will meet. And when there is room for him God will release him. I am just too caught up in the rapture of this love I have for me...the love that will one day make room for he...
Peace.
Nothing else can compare
When I feel the magic of you
The feeling's always new
Caught up in the rapture of you"
--Anita Baker
When I sang this feel good melody by the classy Ms. Baker as a child, I was unaware of what I truly was humming. I just knew the arrangement of music made me happy. Becoming a young lady, I would catch this same tune in the rare moments of time on an old school R&B station. With hands raised to the sky, fingers snapping, eyes closed saying, "that was my jam." I would reminisce on the past loves and former boos. Tonight as I watch one legend, Ms. Baker, pay tribute to another legend, Mary J., on BET Honors, I still snap my fingers and close my eyes. But, this time I think about the love of my life...me.
I was raised to have confidence and to be alright with me...in this package God formulated in His image. I did that, and I would celebrate me between the flurries of the dating game. I was so busy getting fly for the social aspect of life that I rarely sat down to love on myself consistently. But, during this new season of me, I am caught up with me. Consistently. Just me.
Don't mistake this for arrogance. It's far from that. I appreciate my flava, my style, my physical image. But, right now I celebrate my spirit and my character building and my faith. Being single has become a pro instead of the con society paints it to be. Of course the Word always tells us what we need to know. But, sometimes we ignore it. I know I have conveniently. God said being single is a gift because because you only have to focus on improving your relationship with Him. The unique burden of juggling the cultivation of God's love and man's love is not present. I accept this gift whole-heartedly.
I am closer to 30 than I am to 20. Still a young woman, but no longer able to use the excuse of not knowing any better. Nah, I know better. Excuses have been given a death certificate. And I am better because experience continuously teaches me that. I spend time loving on God and worshipping who He is. In this space, He shows me who He wants me to be. He brings me closer and closer to the chapters of my world that allows me to act in one of my destinies. And it feels so dog gone good.
This rapture of love enlightens me on the whys. Why God created me to be fearless and adventurous. Why I am so analytical and compassionate for the broken. Why I love so hard and deep with fullness. Why I cringe at disorderly acts and chaos. My God, this rapture tastes so sweet. Sure, my spiritual taste buds are aware of the bitterness that comes in spurts. It's a part of growth and a part of being in this flesh. But, there is no way I could grasp the height and depth of such sweetness if I never experience the salt of the Earth, right? Correct. My job is to discern, decipher and do unto others no matter the amount of hate poured in my direction. No one or nothing will blow my high. It feels too good.
Do I want the love of a man? Of course I welcome love with open arms. I am quite confident that my love, my hunter, my husband, my Adam, my partner created for me will make his way to my cocoon. But, I don't wait twiddling my thumbs, reading desperate self-help books and searching the clubs and blogs to find him. Oh no. Again, I believe in order. When it's time, we will meet. And when there is room for him God will release him. I am just too caught up in the rapture of this love I have for me...the love that will one day make room for he...
Peace.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Free Yourself
You have no clue how happy I am right now. I am ecstatic, thrilled, delighted and...um...overjoyed and...okay I don't have a thesaurus near me. But, you get the idea. Basically I am straight crunk at this moment for my home girl!
She would kill me if I gave a name that was remotely close to her own. So, I shall call her Ms. Diva. She has been dating the same guy for a few years. He seems to be a really good guy and has some pretty good characteristics. But, I truly don't think he is her Adam. We all know there is no time frame to set on anyone when it comes to putting a ring on it. It all depends on the 2 people in the situation and their circumstances. However, judging from what Ms. Diva has shared with me and and based on the body language and conversations I have witnessed in their presence, they are not on the same page entirely. Not when it comes to the future. Yes, he has been there in the thick times, but he is supposed to, right? Your family and friends and your man should support you when no one else does. So, no bonus points there.
Who am I, right? Just a concerned friend who loves Ms. Diva dearly. The only thing I can do is pray God gives her the wisdom and courage to see what is truly there and to see a man for who he is, not who you hope him to be. Especially when planning your future. So, I gave my 2 cents once or twice...but nothing more. Let God deal with it.
Well, things are starting to change. Lately, Ms. Diva has mentioned on a few occasions that she wants to build a team of men to date. Okay, but I want you to know in the past several years I have known her, that has never come out of her mouth. I was the one with the team, she was always in a relationship. So, when she uttered those words, I beamed with pride!! Like I was the mother hen watching my chick grow before my very eyes. I tried to contain my joy, but I think it was obvious I was relieved. Not only is she talking it, she is walking it. Ms. Diva has been on one outing with a potential while is continuing to build her team. A mutual friend of ours met someone who she thinks would hit it off well with Ms. Diva. The friend was hesitant to hook it up because the main dude is still in the picture. But, honey Ms. Diva is all about it. In fact, let me tell you how one of her weekends is going to go down. She will chill with Man B on evening, see Main Guy the next day, and the hook up guy that evening. I mean, how gangsta is that? You go from a one man woman to a team builder overnight!
I always knew she had the cat in her to play. All women have it. But sometimes it is sheltered and not discovered as early on as others. Maybe some suppress the play for fear that it would get out of control. Or maybe there is a fear of getting "caught." For some reason I feel as if she has been fooling us all the time and been creeping! Who knows. Whatever it is, I am just thrilled. Ms. Diva is freeing herself and having the courage to meet and greet with no strings... until The One falls through. And she will know who he is. She won't have to write a pros and cons list. She won't have to pray to God constantly to show her signs. He will show himself...I know he will.
Peace and Blessings, Ya'll...
She would kill me if I gave a name that was remotely close to her own. So, I shall call her Ms. Diva. She has been dating the same guy for a few years. He seems to be a really good guy and has some pretty good characteristics. But, I truly don't think he is her Adam. We all know there is no time frame to set on anyone when it comes to putting a ring on it. It all depends on the 2 people in the situation and their circumstances. However, judging from what Ms. Diva has shared with me and and based on the body language and conversations I have witnessed in their presence, they are not on the same page entirely. Not when it comes to the future. Yes, he has been there in the thick times, but he is supposed to, right? Your family and friends and your man should support you when no one else does. So, no bonus points there.
Who am I, right? Just a concerned friend who loves Ms. Diva dearly. The only thing I can do is pray God gives her the wisdom and courage to see what is truly there and to see a man for who he is, not who you hope him to be. Especially when planning your future. So, I gave my 2 cents once or twice...but nothing more. Let God deal with it.
Well, things are starting to change. Lately, Ms. Diva has mentioned on a few occasions that she wants to build a team of men to date. Okay, but I want you to know in the past several years I have known her, that has never come out of her mouth. I was the one with the team, she was always in a relationship. So, when she uttered those words, I beamed with pride!! Like I was the mother hen watching my chick grow before my very eyes. I tried to contain my joy, but I think it was obvious I was relieved. Not only is she talking it, she is walking it. Ms. Diva has been on one outing with a potential while is continuing to build her team. A mutual friend of ours met someone who she thinks would hit it off well with Ms. Diva. The friend was hesitant to hook it up because the main dude is still in the picture. But, honey Ms. Diva is all about it. In fact, let me tell you how one of her weekends is going to go down. She will chill with Man B on evening, see Main Guy the next day, and the hook up guy that evening. I mean, how gangsta is that? You go from a one man woman to a team builder overnight!
I always knew she had the cat in her to play. All women have it. But sometimes it is sheltered and not discovered as early on as others. Maybe some suppress the play for fear that it would get out of control. Or maybe there is a fear of getting "caught." For some reason I feel as if she has been fooling us all the time and been creeping! Who knows. Whatever it is, I am just thrilled. Ms. Diva is freeing herself and having the courage to meet and greet with no strings... until The One falls through. And she will know who he is. She won't have to write a pros and cons list. She won't have to pray to God constantly to show her signs. He will show himself...I know he will.
Peace and Blessings, Ya'll...
Monday, February 2, 2009
Celebrating Chocolate Folk
Wait...I can't let this night end without celebrating my Black folk...since this month is supposed to be about us. I celebrate us 365, but I'll recognize the calendar today.
God created 80 million races across the globe. Yet, we still struggle with connection and embracing differences as well as similarities. Maybe apart of that is the internal struggle with one's own culture. Just maybe. I thank God I appreciate my culture, my skin, my nose, my body type, my curves, my lips, my kinky hair. I'm a grown woman and I can honestly say I appreciate my total being. Even the 5 pounds I lose and gain every year.
Don't get it twisted. As a child, I wanted to have long, silky hair without having the straightening comb or perm. I thought I was too dark. I was insecure about my short hair. I wanted to mirror the images I constantly saw on the billboards and in commercials and the dolls on the shelves at the toy stores. I didn't come from a family who discussed racial differences. My mom always told me I was beautiful. My dad told me I was his baby girl. But there were no real discussions. There were no questions asked about insecurities. It was just the fact that you will love yourself as you are and keep it moving.
By the time high school came around, my confidence reached 100. I was coming into my own style, the fellas were jocking, and I cut my hair boy short to fight against normalcy. Now I'm in my 20's...and honey you can't tell me black isn't beautiful.
From White Chocolate, to Creme, to Caramel, to Milk Chocolate, to Mocha, to Dark Cocoa to Crispy Black.
The black spectrum displays the range and depth we possess as a people mentally, in our personalities, spiritually, intellectually, and in our family lives. I don't know what it is to be Russian, Italian, Asian, German, Indian, Australian, or Latina. But, I do know my culture, I walk tall as I live it, and I'm proud to be double-dipped in this Mocha skin.
To all my fellow Black folk, I salute you. Don't you dare alter you for the old school society. Love your features, your complexion, your hair, your hips, your nose, your laugh, your need to bump that 808 every now and then in the speakers.
Know your full history, advance for yourself and your legacy, live the life you are destined for, expose your mind, explore this world, and embrace all cultures with respect and honor to our extended brothers and sisters.
God created 80 million races across the globe. Yet, we still struggle with connection and embracing differences as well as similarities. Maybe apart of that is the internal struggle with one's own culture. Just maybe. I thank God I appreciate my culture, my skin, my nose, my body type, my curves, my lips, my kinky hair. I'm a grown woman and I can honestly say I appreciate my total being. Even the 5 pounds I lose and gain every year.
Don't get it twisted. As a child, I wanted to have long, silky hair without having the straightening comb or perm. I thought I was too dark. I was insecure about my short hair. I wanted to mirror the images I constantly saw on the billboards and in commercials and the dolls on the shelves at the toy stores. I didn't come from a family who discussed racial differences. My mom always told me I was beautiful. My dad told me I was his baby girl. But there were no real discussions. There were no questions asked about insecurities. It was just the fact that you will love yourself as you are and keep it moving.
By the time high school came around, my confidence reached 100. I was coming into my own style, the fellas were jocking, and I cut my hair boy short to fight against normalcy. Now I'm in my 20's...and honey you can't tell me black isn't beautiful.
From White Chocolate, to Creme, to Caramel, to Milk Chocolate, to Mocha, to Dark Cocoa to Crispy Black.
The black spectrum displays the range and depth we possess as a people mentally, in our personalities, spiritually, intellectually, and in our family lives. I don't know what it is to be Russian, Italian, Asian, German, Indian, Australian, or Latina. But, I do know my culture, I walk tall as I live it, and I'm proud to be double-dipped in this Mocha skin.
To all my fellow Black folk, I salute you. Don't you dare alter you for the old school society. Love your features, your complexion, your hair, your hips, your nose, your laugh, your need to bump that 808 every now and then in the speakers.
Know your full history, advance for yourself and your legacy, live the life you are destined for, expose your mind, explore this world, and embrace all cultures with respect and honor to our extended brothers and sisters.
With the sweetest love,
Buttafly
Nappy and Natural and Lovin' It...
Write By...
Can someone please come up with a 32 hour day? I have been so busy from cover to cover of my life's journey that I had to squeeze in time to do a write by this evening.
I won't get into details due to time constraints. It is easy to write for a few hours. But, I need sleep because it = energy, which = productivity, which ultimately = success. So, here is what has happened in the past 5 days.
1st - I had the weirdest dream last week. I am sitting in my mother's den on the couch. My sisters drive SUV's into the kitchen (without causing any destruction to the home), through the sink, out to the back deck. While they drove through, the sink turned into a clothes dryer. Yep, not done yet. As I watch the transformation take place in the kitchen, a baby calf runs from the kitchen into the den towards me. It waits for me to pet it. Um, no...I have the slightest idea what that symbolizes. And, no, didn't drink or eat before bed.
2nd - The drummer emailed me to confess his desire to get to know Ace better. Again, I channel Neffe.."Are you serious?" :-) But, okay. Do you dude. Get it how you live it. It really took me back to middle and high school days. When you got that call from the friend of the guy who likes you. His ambassador, if you will. he he he
3rd -The tapas at Loca Luna in the Highlands is so worth the trip. BEST calamari I have EVER consumed. This is coming from a seafood junkie. Do yourself a favor and hit them up. Spanish band...in living color and plays like they are signed to Mr. Clive Davis himself.
4th - Super Bowl party plans to go with the combined crew of my girls to a friend of a friend's party. The day of, the Spirit told me to sit it down. Everyone else stayed home, except Ursula. She came through and we ate and talked. Didn't watch a lick of the game. But it was so good the way it happened. She got issues and I got issues. All girls do, right? Nothing too serious. Just talking about discoveries we are making and how to make ourselves better. That was good stuff.
5th - the church play is on and popping. I've participated in some conference calls and I am so ecstatic to aid in the marketing piece. Of course I will post PR materials here when they are released. This is a beautiful thing taking place right now. I am so ready for everything God is about to allow me to do and work with. This season for my life's story is truly about CHANGE. How ironic, right? Our President knew what he was talking about 2 years ago.
Alright, that's all for me tonight. Gotta put these locs up and lay it down. Talk to you soon...
Holla!
I won't get into details due to time constraints. It is easy to write for a few hours. But, I need sleep because it = energy, which = productivity, which ultimately = success. So, here is what has happened in the past 5 days.
1st - I had the weirdest dream last week. I am sitting in my mother's den on the couch. My sisters drive SUV's into the kitchen (without causing any destruction to the home), through the sink, out to the back deck. While they drove through, the sink turned into a clothes dryer. Yep, not done yet. As I watch the transformation take place in the kitchen, a baby calf runs from the kitchen into the den towards me. It waits for me to pet it. Um, no...I have the slightest idea what that symbolizes. And, no, didn't drink or eat before bed.
2nd - The drummer emailed me to confess his desire to get to know Ace better. Again, I channel Neffe.."Are you serious?" :-) But, okay. Do you dude. Get it how you live it. It really took me back to middle and high school days. When you got that call from the friend of the guy who likes you. His ambassador, if you will. he he he
3rd -The tapas at Loca Luna in the Highlands is so worth the trip. BEST calamari I have EVER consumed. This is coming from a seafood junkie. Do yourself a favor and hit them up. Spanish band...in living color and plays like they are signed to Mr. Clive Davis himself.
4th - Super Bowl party plans to go with the combined crew of my girls to a friend of a friend's party. The day of, the Spirit told me to sit it down. Everyone else stayed home, except Ursula. She came through and we ate and talked. Didn't watch a lick of the game. But it was so good the way it happened. She got issues and I got issues. All girls do, right? Nothing too serious. Just talking about discoveries we are making and how to make ourselves better. That was good stuff.
5th - the church play is on and popping. I've participated in some conference calls and I am so ecstatic to aid in the marketing piece. Of course I will post PR materials here when they are released. This is a beautiful thing taking place right now. I am so ready for everything God is about to allow me to do and work with. This season for my life's story is truly about CHANGE. How ironic, right? Our President knew what he was talking about 2 years ago.
Alright, that's all for me tonight. Gotta put these locs up and lay it down. Talk to you soon...
Holla!
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