Can you believe it? Another year has come and gone. For some reason, this year did not fly by like the other years have for me. Maybe because I feel like this has been my year to break into a lot of "firsts."
I learned a lot about myself being on my own and making so many mistakes...which, in turn, caused me to learn even more about myself. I have come into another realm of maturity that I am absolutely loving! This level is teaching me more financial responsibility, accountability in relationships, and it has opened my eyes to my callings and gifts in this lifetime. Erykah said, "...one day we'll be butterflies..." But, honey Buttafly is here and it is my time now!
I carry in my heart Marvin Sapp's song from Heaven knowing I never would have made it this year without God's guidance. I reflect on the financial hardships, emanicipation from the perm (lol), making it through lay offs, fighting all the "isms", and that one time I didn't listen to the spirit and could have lost my life. I am very clear that my God protects me everyday because I pray and ask Him for it. I pray for His love, His anointing, His Holy Spirit, His Blood to Cover me, His Spirit to guide and direct my path. God has been so good to me. In every mistake and every blunder that I made, He forgave me. As I searched for answers to life, He spoke to me in my dreams, through people, though music.
I didn't mean to get my preach on!! :-) But anytime is a good time to share the goodness of God.
Okay folks, no matter how you bring it in tonight, don't forget to thank God for all the blessings, shortcomings, provision for exit doors, emancipation from any bondage, and for acts of love and kindness. Handle that before you enter the hotel party, at the parking lot for the club, as you dress for the house gathering, or on your way to church.
Talk with you next year!!! Oh, and my lame mantra is Everything is Fine in 2009!!! Yeah, it's lame...but that's what I am feeling right now.
Be Easy.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
End of Christmas Blues
Does anyone else feel my agonizing pain? The Christmas season is declared over! According to southern traditions and Big Mama's superstitions, we are supposed to have all decorations tucked away in the used brown boxes by New Year's Eve. When New Year's Eve arrives, we have been programmed to prepare collard greens to represent the abundance of money and black eyed peas for...well honey I don't know what those disgusting little peas are supposed to represent. Oh, and if you wash clothes that day, you are washing something away. Not quite sure what that something is supposed to mean either. But, all of this in the name of tradition and superstitions. Call it new school, but I don't pay attention to any of that. In fact I want to start my own tradition.
What would you think of me if you walked in my home greeted by gold and red-themed festive Christmas decorations in March when everyone else is celebrating Spring? Would you really call me crazy if I am bumping Charles Brown's "Merry Christmas Baby" on a sunny July afternoon in my car, with the windows down next to you at the red light? Would you respond to me if I greeted you in passing at the mall with a smile on my face saying "Merry Christmas?"
In a perfect world, I would lead a revolution for all my fellow Christmas lovers on a journey making this a daily ritual instead of an annual holiday. I would march from the Gold Dome in downtown Atlanta to the Governor's mansion in Buckhead to 1600 Penn Ave in D.C. I would play a bit of Wii with Sasha and Malia and hug Grandma's neck before meeting with Mr. & Mrs. President Obama in the Oval Office to have green tea and Jiffy cornbread while we discuss the passing of Bill 1011: Daily Christmas. Surely our Commander-In-Chief would prioritize this into his top 20 things to do as the 44th.
Okay, okay. I know this world is far from perfect and you probably think I am taking this too far...even thought this is my Cocoon. :-) So, I will continue to hide Christmas very close to my heart and do what I have always done 364 days leading up to the next Christmas. I will hum my favorite Christmas tunes in my head, long to sip deliciously rich and thick egg nog(why isn't this tasty treat available daily??), and review visuals recorded in my memory of beautifully decorated trees and building throughout the city of Atlanta. I will celebrate Christmas everyday whether it's on the calendar or not.
Hey, maybe I am the only one who feels this way. I got the blues....the end of Christmas blues... and I got it bad...sigh...
What would you think of me if you walked in my home greeted by gold and red-themed festive Christmas decorations in March when everyone else is celebrating Spring? Would you really call me crazy if I am bumping Charles Brown's "Merry Christmas Baby" on a sunny July afternoon in my car, with the windows down next to you at the red light? Would you respond to me if I greeted you in passing at the mall with a smile on my face saying "Merry Christmas?"
In a perfect world, I would lead a revolution for all my fellow Christmas lovers on a journey making this a daily ritual instead of an annual holiday. I would march from the Gold Dome in downtown Atlanta to the Governor's mansion in Buckhead to 1600 Penn Ave in D.C. I would play a bit of Wii with Sasha and Malia and hug Grandma's neck before meeting with Mr. & Mrs. President Obama in the Oval Office to have green tea and Jiffy cornbread while we discuss the passing of Bill 1011: Daily Christmas. Surely our Commander-In-Chief would prioritize this into his top 20 things to do as the 44th.
Okay, okay. I know this world is far from perfect and you probably think I am taking this too far...even thought this is my Cocoon. :-) So, I will continue to hide Christmas very close to my heart and do what I have always done 364 days leading up to the next Christmas. I will hum my favorite Christmas tunes in my head, long to sip deliciously rich and thick egg nog(why isn't this tasty treat available daily??), and review visuals recorded in my memory of beautifully decorated trees and building throughout the city of Atlanta. I will celebrate Christmas everyday whether it's on the calendar or not.
Hey, maybe I am the only one who feels this way. I got the blues....the end of Christmas blues... and I got it bad...sigh...
Love or Convenience (Dream)
Okay guys. If you don't know Buttafly, you will come to understand that I dream very often. And the dreams speak to me in different ways. They may be about my life or someone else's. But, I am being obedient and writing them down as God has lead me to do. He is also leading me to share them with you. Maybe these dreams will speak to you, maybe they will be entertainment. Whatever the reason, thank you for allowing me to share with you.
So, last night I had a dream about being married. Keep in mind, I have never been married and did not believe in marriage some years ago due to fear. After prayer, purging, and facing fears from personal situations, I believe in all that God has to offer to me, including being the Eve for my Adam. Now, that you have background information, let's get back to the dream. So, I dreamt about this guy I will call Dave that I actually know who is a very nice and kind guy. I have never been attracted to him and we never dated. He has always been a platonic associate...truly platonic. In this dream last night, Dave and I were married and had an infant son for some reason. It seems that we were at our wedding reception with our family and friends. At one point, I was holding our son and handed him over to my new husband. When I did so, my husband took his thumb and pushed our son's head back in a slow motion by rubbing his neck up to his chin. The child appeared to be only 2 or 3 weeks old and seemed to be premature. I could not understand why Dave pushed our son's head back. As I took my son back from Dave, I looked at him and he looked at me. It seemed as if time stood still. We both knew without saying a word that we did not love each other. We spoke through our eyes in asking the other how did we let it get this far.
It occurred to me that Dave and I got married because we tried true love before and it didn't work in our favor. We were very good friends and familiar with each other and decided to be together because we didn't want to be alone. In the dream, I could feel that Dave was a genuine and kind man. But, I did not have a romantic love for him. I did not love him as a mate for me, as my life partner. I felt respect for him, but not love. Dave and I did like what many couples have done in this generation. We didn't wait for God to prepare us for our mates. In essence, we didn't trust God and took matters into our own hands which ultimately caused heartbreak, sadness, doubt and a long road ahead to untangle the mess we made.
I know people say most of us won't find true love because of several reasons society has brainwashed us with. All these statistics show so many marriages end in divorce. The media thrives off of infidelity and sexual immorality in relationships and marriages. It seems so many people believe having a child in a relationship that is broken will heal the dysfunction. Did it ever occur to any of us that so many marriages fail because they are created simply out of convenience (distraction from loneliness, heartbreak, economic status) instead of love??
So, last night I had a dream about being married. Keep in mind, I have never been married and did not believe in marriage some years ago due to fear. After prayer, purging, and facing fears from personal situations, I believe in all that God has to offer to me, including being the Eve for my Adam. Now, that you have background information, let's get back to the dream. So, I dreamt about this guy I will call Dave that I actually know who is a very nice and kind guy. I have never been attracted to him and we never dated. He has always been a platonic associate...truly platonic. In this dream last night, Dave and I were married and had an infant son for some reason. It seems that we were at our wedding reception with our family and friends. At one point, I was holding our son and handed him over to my new husband. When I did so, my husband took his thumb and pushed our son's head back in a slow motion by rubbing his neck up to his chin. The child appeared to be only 2 or 3 weeks old and seemed to be premature. I could not understand why Dave pushed our son's head back. As I took my son back from Dave, I looked at him and he looked at me. It seemed as if time stood still. We both knew without saying a word that we did not love each other. We spoke through our eyes in asking the other how did we let it get this far.
It occurred to me that Dave and I got married because we tried true love before and it didn't work in our favor. We were very good friends and familiar with each other and decided to be together because we didn't want to be alone. In the dream, I could feel that Dave was a genuine and kind man. But, I did not have a romantic love for him. I did not love him as a mate for me, as my life partner. I felt respect for him, but not love. Dave and I did like what many couples have done in this generation. We didn't wait for God to prepare us for our mates. In essence, we didn't trust God and took matters into our own hands which ultimately caused heartbreak, sadness, doubt and a long road ahead to untangle the mess we made.
I know people say most of us won't find true love because of several reasons society has brainwashed us with. All these statistics show so many marriages end in divorce. The media thrives off of infidelity and sexual immorality in relationships and marriages. It seems so many people believe having a child in a relationship that is broken will heal the dysfunction. Did it ever occur to any of us that so many marriages fail because they are created simply out of convenience (distraction from loneliness, heartbreak, economic status) instead of love??
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Pursue w/o Support
Okay, people. So what do you do when people, better known as your family, don't understand you? What happens when you decide to answer that calling to think outside the box and go for your dreams and aspirations. Do you forgo what God is calling you to and what your passions drive you to just because the mother who birthed you and is from the "retire from a corporate job" era thinks you are nuts. Do you re-think your choice that you prayed over because other family members look at you with question and talk at you about your passion because their brain does not function the way yours does?
People. Please listen to me. Everyone is not going to understand you or your passions or your Godly gifts or your calling. There will be many times in life where only you and God know your path is the perfect direction for you and your life. But, don't let that deter you for one minute or doubt yourself. It is very probable that you are the only one in your family who wants more out of life than to whip out a business card with a corporate name on it. You may want to do more than work a 9-5 in a cubical next to a stressed out co-worker who lives for his job. There may be a desire for you to paint, design clothes, write poetry, manage a club, become a makeup artist, own a beauty salon, become a world famous barber, become a photographer, produce music, become an herbal specialist. You may want to leave that great paying job and become a psychiatrist, or teacher or world traveler, or fight for AIDS or poverty. Whatever it is that your heart desires, whatever gifts God has given you, whatever skill you have that makes your heart pound when you think about it...DO IT!
People may not understand your vision now, and it is possible they will never understand it. Therefore, ask God to send you at least 1 person who believes in you for the physical support system you need in man. Write down your vision, research what you need to make it happen, gather your resources and go forward. No, it won't be easy. Trust me, I have to push myself to follow my dreams because everyone doesn't understand. But, I accept that we are all different and each person looks at life through their own view that their eyes give them. I keep trusting in God, I continue to believe in myself and I am fighting until I get "there." If Harriet Tubman, Thurgood Marshall, Ghandi, Malcolm, Martin, Shirley Chisolm, Barry Gordy, Cathy Hughes, John H. Johnson, and Barack H. Obama did it, so can you and I!!!
Peace and Blessings to you.
People. Please listen to me. Everyone is not going to understand you or your passions or your Godly gifts or your calling. There will be many times in life where only you and God know your path is the perfect direction for you and your life. But, don't let that deter you for one minute or doubt yourself. It is very probable that you are the only one in your family who wants more out of life than to whip out a business card with a corporate name on it. You may want to do more than work a 9-5 in a cubical next to a stressed out co-worker who lives for his job. There may be a desire for you to paint, design clothes, write poetry, manage a club, become a makeup artist, own a beauty salon, become a world famous barber, become a photographer, produce music, become an herbal specialist. You may want to leave that great paying job and become a psychiatrist, or teacher or world traveler, or fight for AIDS or poverty. Whatever it is that your heart desires, whatever gifts God has given you, whatever skill you have that makes your heart pound when you think about it...DO IT!
People may not understand your vision now, and it is possible they will never understand it. Therefore, ask God to send you at least 1 person who believes in you for the physical support system you need in man. Write down your vision, research what you need to make it happen, gather your resources and go forward. No, it won't be easy. Trust me, I have to push myself to follow my dreams because everyone doesn't understand. But, I accept that we are all different and each person looks at life through their own view that their eyes give them. I keep trusting in God, I continue to believe in myself and I am fighting until I get "there." If Harriet Tubman, Thurgood Marshall, Ghandi, Malcolm, Martin, Shirley Chisolm, Barry Gordy, Cathy Hughes, John H. Johnson, and Barack H. Obama did it, so can you and I!!!
Peace and Blessings to you.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Eve of Christmas
Merry Christmas to all you guys and gals out there!
There is no snow here in the A and we are expecting temps in the 60s. Sigh...I just love Atlanta weather. I don't need snow to truly enjoy Christmas...please believe! I am a Southern Girl (as my boo Frankie Beverly proclaims) and I crave my warm winter days. All I require for Christmas is eggnog (with a hint of Rum), dressing without turkey, cranberry sauce, some beef ribs, mac and cheese, some sort of chocolate, family and friends, Christmas movies and some mistletoe.
Okay, so no one will be under the mistletoe with me this year. But, honey I am not complaining. After all the drama that came my way with the men I met this year, the Lord is giving me a much needed break. I am so on "E" right now in the dating game. I have discovered after my many rendezvous and flirting and dates and wondering "what if" so many times, I am glad to have time for me and discover my traits I would file under "Great Job" and those that "Need Improvement." Hi-5 to Jesus and Hi-5 to me for recognizing that even all this Fabulousness has flaws. :-)
I digress. Oh, and honey I need my good ole Christmas music. Please don't get me started on the classics from Luther, Boyz to Men, Donnie Hathaway, Charles Brown, The Whispers, The Temps, Nat King Cole, Alexander O'Neal and even the 69 Boyz ghetto Christmas Anthem. I gotta have all that while I sip my egg nog.
Any who, so party people be safe out there this holiday. Get your dance on, your laugh on, your flirt on, your happy on. No matter what you do, don't just celebrate your day off from work; remember to reflect on the birth of Jesus Christ and salvation this Christmas. Before some of the readers get a little huffy, I am not hating on what and who you may believe in. I love all my brothers and sisters across the religious lines. I just gotta rep for my Savior because I am thankful for all He is and all He has done for me.
God Bless and I will talk with you in a few days if I don't check in with you tomorrow.
Merry Christmas!
There is no snow here in the A and we are expecting temps in the 60s. Sigh...I just love Atlanta weather. I don't need snow to truly enjoy Christmas...please believe! I am a Southern Girl (as my boo Frankie Beverly proclaims) and I crave my warm winter days. All I require for Christmas is eggnog (with a hint of Rum), dressing without turkey, cranberry sauce, some beef ribs, mac and cheese, some sort of chocolate, family and friends, Christmas movies and some mistletoe.
Okay, so no one will be under the mistletoe with me this year. But, honey I am not complaining. After all the drama that came my way with the men I met this year, the Lord is giving me a much needed break. I am so on "E" right now in the dating game. I have discovered after my many rendezvous and flirting and dates and wondering "what if" so many times, I am glad to have time for me and discover my traits I would file under "Great Job" and those that "Need Improvement." Hi-5 to Jesus and Hi-5 to me for recognizing that even all this Fabulousness has flaws. :-)
I digress. Oh, and honey I need my good ole Christmas music. Please don't get me started on the classics from Luther, Boyz to Men, Donnie Hathaway, Charles Brown, The Whispers, The Temps, Nat King Cole, Alexander O'Neal and even the 69 Boyz ghetto Christmas Anthem. I gotta have all that while I sip my egg nog.
Any who, so party people be safe out there this holiday. Get your dance on, your laugh on, your flirt on, your happy on. No matter what you do, don't just celebrate your day off from work; remember to reflect on the birth of Jesus Christ and salvation this Christmas. Before some of the readers get a little huffy, I am not hating on what and who you may believe in. I love all my brothers and sisters across the religious lines. I just gotta rep for my Savior because I am thankful for all He is and all He has done for me.
God Bless and I will talk with you in a few days if I don't check in with you tomorrow.
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Happy B-Day to my X
This is my new blog. The life and times of Buttafly. You will find I dream very often during my slumber. I plan to share these dreams with you as they often include celebrities or visions or subconscious fantasies. Today's intro will give you an idea of what you have to look forward to in many entries to come. Enjoy!
Here we are the day after the birthday of my X. So what did I do? Initially, I forgot about his birthday. But, my wonderful female family member so graciously reminded me as his is the day before hers. So, I reached out to him yesterday evening to wish him well on his beloved day to celebrate his intro to the world. I could have called. But, what would I have said after happy birthday? How are things? Is life treating you well? Met anyone lately? Nope, didn't want to hear any awful truths. Didn't want to make small talk. And I didn't want to slip up and say, "I love you" to a man I have not dated in a year. Yep, it's true. I still love him. The worst part of it is it took me months of prayer and purging to get rid of this man from my being. I dated a few different guys since thinking I replaced him. And you know what the jacked up part is? No one has come close to measure up to this man's strength, chivalry, kindness, rough-neck qualities, professionalism, intelligence, and spiritual connections. It's amazing how someone so perfect could be so wrong for me all because of timing and circumstances. Oh, before you even go there he was not in jail, he is not family, he is not my boss. But, he was ending a relationship that was not quite over when I showed up unexpectedly. If only I declined to attend that party, I would not even have him to compare to! Oh well.
Sorry, I got off track. You will come to find that I will do that sometimes. Just stay with me...I will get back on task eventually. So, I text him because that is the best, cowardly thing for me to do to save myself from embarrasement. I texted him a wonderful birthday wish. He responded so quickly my mind would love to think he had been waiting on me all evening to send him that wish. But, the intelligent part of my brain says the man always keeps the phone close to him. Any who, he thanked me and was gracious as usual.
But, what did I do today after sending that message last night? I started my own fantasy. Now I am thinking about the day we meet up again by chance when I am totally in love and boo'd up with a wonderful man. I see the X in a strange state while I am vacationing and my boo is at home while I am away. The X looks all good and I am looking all kinds of fabulous. I tell the X that it is good to see him and I tell him about my love when he asks am I involved. I glow. But, honey the glowing stops when my X reveals that he is still in love with me and wants us to try again because he has not met anyone who makes him feel how I made him feel. And what do I do? I don't want to break my new man's heart who I am so in love with. But, this X...this man still has a hold on me. I want to make love to his mind and hold a permanent place in his heart! I want to grab him and kiss him and tell him let's run away together!
See how far I take things. It may never happen. But, my fantasy caused me to have a wonderful day. All that to say that my X still has a little hold on me apparently. So, I wish him well. But, if he does happen to have feelings for me, he better move quickly before another man scoops me up who is worthy of all this fabulousness. Happy Birthday Boo!
Here we are the day after the birthday of my X. So what did I do? Initially, I forgot about his birthday. But, my wonderful female family member so graciously reminded me as his is the day before hers. So, I reached out to him yesterday evening to wish him well on his beloved day to celebrate his intro to the world. I could have called. But, what would I have said after happy birthday? How are things? Is life treating you well? Met anyone lately? Nope, didn't want to hear any awful truths. Didn't want to make small talk. And I didn't want to slip up and say, "I love you" to a man I have not dated in a year. Yep, it's true. I still love him. The worst part of it is it took me months of prayer and purging to get rid of this man from my being. I dated a few different guys since thinking I replaced him. And you know what the jacked up part is? No one has come close to measure up to this man's strength, chivalry, kindness, rough-neck qualities, professionalism, intelligence, and spiritual connections. It's amazing how someone so perfect could be so wrong for me all because of timing and circumstances. Oh, before you even go there he was not in jail, he is not family, he is not my boss. But, he was ending a relationship that was not quite over when I showed up unexpectedly. If only I declined to attend that party, I would not even have him to compare to! Oh well.
Sorry, I got off track. You will come to find that I will do that sometimes. Just stay with me...I will get back on task eventually. So, I text him because that is the best, cowardly thing for me to do to save myself from embarrasement. I texted him a wonderful birthday wish. He responded so quickly my mind would love to think he had been waiting on me all evening to send him that wish. But, the intelligent part of my brain says the man always keeps the phone close to him. Any who, he thanked me and was gracious as usual.
But, what did I do today after sending that message last night? I started my own fantasy. Now I am thinking about the day we meet up again by chance when I am totally in love and boo'd up with a wonderful man. I see the X in a strange state while I am vacationing and my boo is at home while I am away. The X looks all good and I am looking all kinds of fabulous. I tell the X that it is good to see him and I tell him about my love when he asks am I involved. I glow. But, honey the glowing stops when my X reveals that he is still in love with me and wants us to try again because he has not met anyone who makes him feel how I made him feel. And what do I do? I don't want to break my new man's heart who I am so in love with. But, this X...this man still has a hold on me. I want to make love to his mind and hold a permanent place in his heart! I want to grab him and kiss him and tell him let's run away together!
See how far I take things. It may never happen. But, my fantasy caused me to have a wonderful day. All that to say that my X still has a little hold on me apparently. So, I wish him well. But, if he does happen to have feelings for me, he better move quickly before another man scoops me up who is worthy of all this fabulousness. Happy Birthday Boo!
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